a new year in july

Albeit late.  Hanging desperately on the precipice of 51 and feeling like I don’t know any more or better than I did at 21.  They say time makes you older and wiser, but presently, and for a while, if I’m being truly honest…I only feel older.  The wiseness does not come like they tell you it will…you have to really work to earn it.  And work you will.  And even then it is still quite surreal, like you might feel it at one moment but it surely does not last, sometimes not even long enough for you to figure out if it was real or completely within the confines of your own delusional mind.

So what am I saying exactly?  Quite possibly, I’m not at all sure.  I only know that I want to continue exploring that which I don’t get or understand on an intrinsic level, so that I may, most hopefully, grow some sort of brain mass that helps it all make sense in my head.  And maybe the sense-making in my head will guide you to be able to make some sort of sense in yours, and we will each surface on the other side of self-imposed impossibility, just a bit more enlightened.

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