You, my child.
You are before me with eyes wide open and I search myself for what it means to raise you. Love over contempt, action over apathy, acceptance over fear. We teach by example, you and I; learning through each day we are allowed another opportunity.
I and you – anger and retract, push and apologize, cry and try harder. I see me in you – the good and the bad – and am too hard on you when I see pieces of myself that I wish not to see.
You act and I learn, you fear and I understand, you hurt and I die a thousand lives in one moment while I hold you with voice strong and embrace stronger. Together we hold hands that at times are hard to extend when we are at our most vulnerable existence.
We are beauty in that we are. And then there is you, and you. Individual and exquisitely you and I love with admiration deep and mind altering.
And when I think I have seen the most beautiful creatures on earth I am afforded the opportunity to view you through the looking-glass of another. And I am in awe. Always in awe of you but the view from outside in is truly breath-taking.
that teenage thing
ily, mm
I saw your beautiful being tonight through tears. Tears that I had two years ago. Tears that were easier to define tonight, though. They were tears of joy and amazement at you…a young woman now; no longer a child…and they streamed from my eyes the moment I set eyes on your eyes.
You see, you were my child for the better part of a year, and then you were gone, and I didn’t know what to do with that piece of love and missing…and maybe you didn’t either. I wanted to be angry and protect my own, but you had become my own, so then I was torn between two loves and feeling everyone’s pain.
I want you to know that he was the guiding light; the guiding soul; the one who led me back to love for you because his capacity for love is unbridled. But you already know that; his being shows exactly who he is and how glorious it is to love through his eyes.
My arms and heart will embrace you forever, no matter where you are; part of you will always be my child, and part of my heart will always belong to you.
headbutt
i need you to know…
my love is there.
i push, because-
i want you to grow, into
your best you.
my strength – your strength –
same eyes,
same legs,
same heart –
butt heads;
push and pull, and
i know…
it’s hard to carry your load, and
it’s hard to carry my load, and
i need you to know…
my love is there.
i push, because
i see amazingness
in you.
i just needed you to…
know.
she
she, who packages her face and body and eye gaze neatly within the
confines of self
there, nothing and nobody can penetrate her
in her ultimate safety
wary, her downward gaze tells me, of getting attached again;
unsure of the longevity of it all
she doesn’t like loud voices
or suitcases
or tears
Pain is constant, yet each episode temporary
(I tell her)
Soon enough she will understand…
that each episode of her life is a finely crafted square of her
quilted self;
delicately stitched together to
create her
If she is at all like me, the toughest of pains will grow the largest and most beautiful of forces within her.
If she is at all like me, she will don her blinders of self-preservation until she is able to inhale fully, expand her diaphragm to capacity, and exhale with strength and resolve.
If she is at all like me, she will stumble and fall and roll and crawl as she aims for grace.
If she is at all like me…she will never give up.
girls on the #wdw circuit
three concerts
three cities
seven days
twenty car rides
four planes
twelve tickets
two lanyards
four dog tags
bracelets, all colors
too many to name
five boys loved by two of my girls
three photos pro style and pro money
six outfits well planned
stolen laces
one birthday of 13
colorful macaroons aplenty
nerves, glowing cheeks, near fainting
long lines and lite rain
hugs, conversation
name drop
orange plaid pants
and a very long scrabble game
Suzy Ham 