Category: roadmaps to home

undated

Circle encircling me.  Protection?  Safety ribbons flowing and clutching, offering the promise of a life other than this.  Different.  The picture flashes before me but never clear.  Actuality and surety elude.  Days, weeks, months pass by.  No difference. Arms encircle and hold me tight. Encircle and flow with love around and through each part of my being. Circle suffocates. Circle spins round and round … Read More undated

more than

Tears well up and will their salty selves to fall from my eyes as I fight to hold them back.  Insecurity washes over me, and I mourn me as the corners of my eyes pull and sting with pain.  Sadness consumes my being.  Tears beg now to crash and fall hard and fully.  Wash me clean and allow me to begin again. I hold … Read More more than

reel

If I wrote you in words I would attempt to syntactify what we did in those sacred moments when we stole together and how it felt to be encased in your arms.  I would remember the day on Ray when you walked through my door in baseball cap that I jarred when I ran to kiss you.  My words would tremble as I did … Read More reel

swingasan

Lost stars we are…weaving to and fro through our transitional realities.  I sit and mildly swing, sipping on white wine and contemplating me.  I do not forsake myself. I do not judge my desire to simply sit and just be. My favorite day of the week is my first day alone.

love as a verb

It’s my finger tracing your eyebrow or my hand upon your chest – lingering as long as it can in a caress that won’t wake you.  It’s a touch that calms and a kiss that conquers.  It’s an uncomfortable distance I allow to keep you safely breathing – the nights alone and the tears that quietly glide down the walls of me.  It’s your … Read More love as a verb

finding my way home

I felt myself traveling away from me in those moments and days I let me fall into you.  You holding me up in your way held me captive as I experienced what had never before been a gift to me.  If I could have found a way to exist solely in those moments I might have let you love me longer.  But living as a … Read More finding my way home

sea of me

the tide is beautiful today utterly serene, and perfect crash in, and roll out, and not at all unlike my own thoughts sounding ferocious, but not… not today i imagine myself into a movie of crashing waves, and wild seas, and you… sipping from the fresh-water creek, and smiling at me  

hey, is that you?

Rays of sunshine are angling their presence through fronds of palm and dancing on my cheeks.  Warmed.  I don’t enjoy when the dance becomes too intense though.  The heat turns my focus to feelings of discomfort and away from the real thoughts prattling around in my head – the ones that aren’t even truly known to me until, somehow, they make their way onto … Read More hey, is that you?

dear jack, et al

vanilla nut warmth and contemplation tentacles searching to answer me that which is my contemplation lost in the words of great writers the contemplative state of mind begs answers that elude and allow me to think upon the very act of thinking i am my sea and ocean my waves of knowing and unknowing wash me in thought and leave me there to wonder … Read More dear jack, et al

reflections on the hill i was late to climb over

I did not…I wasn’t even fucking close to…getting this one right away, this 50-thing…just as I did not get 40…or 30, or likely any decade before the afore mentioned decades.  I had great aspirations and goals for the turning of each; only to find that where I found myself at the changing-of-the-calendar-guard was not, in fact, remotely even hopefully close to where I actually … Read More reflections on the hill i was late to climb over

goldfinch dreams

I dream of you often lately. I have a strong sense that I am coming to understand you better. At least it feels that way in my head. I’m answering some of my own questions now as well –- viewing life through older and more mature lenses, it’s easier to see the human experience as a collective whole and embrace compassion without needing to … Read More goldfinch dreams

a new year in july

Albeit late.  Hanging desperately on the precipice of 51 and feeling like I don’t know any more or better than I did at 21.  They say time makes you older and wiser, but presently, and for a while, if I’m being truly honest…I only feel older.  The wiseness does not come like they tell you it will…you have to really work to earn it.  … Read More a new year in july