Day who-knows-what of quarantine and I am finally starting to love and semi-understand the me I have struggled to embrace throughout this pandemic. I spent the first fifty-or-so days feeling completely lost. Immobilized. I couldn’t do anything except sit and shame myself for doing nothing. And then I felt like shit about that. And thenContinue reading “pandemic reflections”
Author Archives: Suzy Ham
checkmate
Pain and stoicism; loneliness and longing. This is how I describe you. Within these walls of “comfort” you built was ever there an eye to see and know you, a heart to understand all you felt and feared? The deepest parts of you threaten to burrow into the healed crevices of me and I acheContinue reading “checkmate”
stupid is as stupid does
It’s hard to believe that eight years have passed since I have been in this house instead of that one; this life instead of that one. These responsibilities in addition to those. Surreal, really. There is no super to call when the toilets overflow or the fridge leaks, but if you have known me forContinue reading “stupid is as stupid does”
nobody likes a bitch
She views things much differently than I do is what I said. I thought little of my statement in the moment. And then my analyzer kicked in, hours later perhaps, and I realized the ubiquitous difference between what I uttered and what I actually believed. And then I knew I had to write it out.Continue reading “nobody likes a bitch”
#nonbinary #parenting #love
My child identifies as non-binary. I don’t know how long they have identified this way, but they told me about seven months ago. Sometimes they correct me when I use she, and sometimes they don’t, and sometimes I catch myself mid sh and switch to they. Luckily for me as a parent, my child isContinue reading “#nonbinary #parenting #love”
if
If you’d just practiced more You would have been better If you’d just played better He would have noticed you If you’d have simply lost ten pounds He might have acknowledged you If you’d have known there were requirements to his love that made sense, You might have: Loved yourself more… Never questioned your worth…Continue reading “if”
how do you spell WEDNESDAY?
My daughter decided today that she wants to have a party, at our house, next Wednesday. For her whole class. That meant, of course, that she had to start making invitations this morning when she was really supposed to be preparing herself to be school bound. There are plenty of little tidbits to talk about here, aside fromContinue reading “how do you spell WEDNESDAY?”
out-smarting the conveyor belt
I used to think life held some great destination that I was going to arrive at one day and have it all figured out. I had a mental list of things that needed to be checked off and then somehow I was going to stop growing. Because I had gotten there. Or something weird like that. I don’tContinue reading “out-smarting the conveyor belt”
love > markers
O lover of sweet treats and markers; I am a lover of you. Even with your guilty face and conniving ways my heart is sold to “and when I get back in here let me see all the colors laid out and ready for me” and “when I put this broom away I will takeContinue reading “love > markers”
melting into me
Does too much to say make the saying harder to come by? Have you consigned your will to create with the words that entice you or are they challenging you to do more and better, forcing you to feel deeper and stronger? You don’t know how to write yourself out of what you have fallenContinue reading “melting into me”
